Wednesday, July 18, 2007

What are you scared of?

Ever since I have been a little girl, I hid behind my mom’s skirt. Afraid to face the world, secure in the shadow of my mom. But what was I scared of then? New faces. People always wanting to pinch my chubby cheeks. Amid the pain I was forced to smile, when all I wanted to scream was, “Stay away you crazy auntie! That hurts!” But as a kid I was scared that action of mine would have brought a punishment, least embarrassed my parents.

But as life passes by you learn to take a stand. You learn to fight the odds.
Growing up teaches you a lot of things.

Now as I look back I realize my school days were the best of days. The pocket money, play time and the only tension one had in the world was -- studying!
Come junior college and there you are thrown in a new environment. What to do? What to say? How do I be cool? Will others like me? Suddenly all I am scared of is – will I be liked by others?

A little later in life I was thrown into a professional college! And as everyone knows, the ragging in professional colleges is inhumane at times. I don’t know how I was spared but I guess my smile and being friends with a few senior boys, literally saved my ass! Believe me I was shit scared the few months of college. Then life became one huge party without actually partying.

All secure for the next 5 years and then suddenly I got to make a living! Support myself, prove myself! Thrown in the advertising industry, believe me mate it’s not easy, I did struggle in spite the fact that I was a university topper! Ok but I guess its life’s way of telling you nothing is easy. Nothing come free! I was not exactly scared of this new challenge but this meant giving up everything I held dear. Arises once again; the questions. Do I really need to leave home to do this? How important is this to me? What am I going to do? Suddenly the odds were against me.

Consider this, I know I am not the only one here but, after 22 years of living in a secure environment with everything at my disposal (a bike of my own, my own room, no chores to do, living in absolute luxury), now I have to take a decision of my own. Some of which would reflect in everything I do. I have never before handled finances, and now I got to shop for groceries, spend on travel, accommodation and what not, and still have to save. So I do I do this?
Scared again was I? I would being lying if I said no!

That’s not all… what else could I have been scared of? Falling in love, maybe?
For all my 23 years I had never known what this feeling was. I didn’t want to give someone the power to hurt me. I was scared of getting hurt. Scared of getting left behind. Scared of not knowing what to do. Scared! Scared! Scared! It was my biggest fear.
May be that’s why I never gave it shot. That, and my mom always wanting something else from me. Then suddenly one fine day I stop caring. I took the plunge! I lived without fear. I guess someone showed me how. I suddenly had all that it would take to fight the odds. It was a testing time. I loved every moment of it. Never a regret. Never will regret a moment of it. Cos this all this taught me one important lesson. “Take a stand for your happiness. No one will do it for you.”
Did I win this battle you ask? That’s an answer you will never know.

All said and done, there’s one thing I would love to share, LIVE IN CONSTANT FEAR. Cause fear will keep you at the edge of your seat. Fear won’t let you lose out.
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