Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Why did you let go?

May be the time was right.
May be you felt what you were doing was right.
May be you thought we had nowhere to go.
May be you thought I would not know.
May be you thought I would not understand.
May be you realized I could finally comprehend…
The hard reality and the pain

Perhaps you thought it was not possible.
Perhaps you felt the space was grace.
Perhaps you cared more than I did.
Perhaps you thought things through.
Perhaps things would have been different…
But did you ask me? Hadn’t I had the right to know!

I will never know,
Cos you never told me so.

I will never feel,
Cos you never let me to do so.

I will not cry,
Cos you always said only girls do so.

But the question still remains…
Why did you let go!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

What are you scared of?

Ever since I have been a little girl, I hid behind my mom’s skirt. Afraid to face the world, secure in the shadow of my mom. But what was I scared of then? New faces. People always wanting to pinch my chubby cheeks. Amid the pain I was forced to smile, when all I wanted to scream was, “Stay away you crazy auntie! That hurts!” But as a kid I was scared that action of mine would have brought a punishment, least embarrassed my parents.

But as life passes by you learn to take a stand. You learn to fight the odds.
Growing up teaches you a lot of things.

Now as I look back I realize my school days were the best of days. The pocket money, play time and the only tension one had in the world was -- studying!
Come junior college and there you are thrown in a new environment. What to do? What to say? How do I be cool? Will others like me? Suddenly all I am scared of is – will I be liked by others?

A little later in life I was thrown into a professional college! And as everyone knows, the ragging in professional colleges is inhumane at times. I don’t know how I was spared but I guess my smile and being friends with a few senior boys, literally saved my ass! Believe me I was shit scared the few months of college. Then life became one huge party without actually partying.

All secure for the next 5 years and then suddenly I got to make a living! Support myself, prove myself! Thrown in the advertising industry, believe me mate it’s not easy, I did struggle in spite the fact that I was a university topper! Ok but I guess its life’s way of telling you nothing is easy. Nothing come free! I was not exactly scared of this new challenge but this meant giving up everything I held dear. Arises once again; the questions. Do I really need to leave home to do this? How important is this to me? What am I going to do? Suddenly the odds were against me.

Consider this, I know I am not the only one here but, after 22 years of living in a secure environment with everything at my disposal (a bike of my own, my own room, no chores to do, living in absolute luxury), now I have to take a decision of my own. Some of which would reflect in everything I do. I have never before handled finances, and now I got to shop for groceries, spend on travel, accommodation and what not, and still have to save. So I do I do this?
Scared again was I? I would being lying if I said no!

That’s not all… what else could I have been scared of? Falling in love, maybe?
For all my 23 years I had never known what this feeling was. I didn’t want to give someone the power to hurt me. I was scared of getting hurt. Scared of getting left behind. Scared of not knowing what to do. Scared! Scared! Scared! It was my biggest fear.
May be that’s why I never gave it shot. That, and my mom always wanting something else from me. Then suddenly one fine day I stop caring. I took the plunge! I lived without fear. I guess someone showed me how. I suddenly had all that it would take to fight the odds. It was a testing time. I loved every moment of it. Never a regret. Never will regret a moment of it. Cos this all this taught me one important lesson. “Take a stand for your happiness. No one will do it for you.”
Did I win this battle you ask? That’s an answer you will never know.

All said and done, there’s one thing I would love to share, LIVE IN CONSTANT FEAR. Cause fear will keep you at the edge of your seat. Fear won’t let you lose out.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Tell me if it’s time to move on…

Move on from what you ask?
From a thing so dear,
That now it causes nothing but pain,
May be that and fear.

You got to move on,
They told me,
Yet I held on to hope,
No all I can think of is doing dope.

But as I drown in these mucky waters
There comes friends I know who throw me a rope.
Grab on Jo, they tell me
But the words sound a distance echo.

Where am I?
What do I do?
How do I live now?
How do I live without you?

I laugh.
I smile.
I put on a brave front.
But deep inside I am torn through and through!

I honestly don’t know what to do.
I want to cry my heart out
Blame the world
Hold everyone responsible
But what the f***
I know no cares
Or gives a shit what you do.

Worry not about me.
I will learn to walk again.
Thanks to the chosen few,
May be with thanks to you,
I could learn to live again.

I will learn to live again!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...