These last few weeks
I simply hate
Nothing seems to come of it
But only working late

The love has gone
Now it’s simply hate
I don’t love what I do
You cannot force me to change my decision
But it’s true

I want to go
This is the end for me
That I know!

The 2 year itch

So it’s been two years now. Really? Yes. And everyday has been… uh I honestly don’t know. Frankly I don’t care.
Now the itch has been getting real bad. May be I need to do something about it rather than just talking about it. So God help me please!

when CS do their job :P

so once upon a time we go for a meeting and like all meetings it's pure bullshit except this time one CS person decided to yak more, neither he gave us a chance. here's how the session unfolded.

DISCLAIMER: while the events may be true, any lawsuits will not be entertained in a court of law.

blank blank blank

i am so bored i am so bored so super bored my mind is spinning in boredom don't know what to do how to get away from this cyclonic storm that is pulling me under i try to read but i know that's not what i want to do i want to be out there explore new places simply get away from this crappy stuff i am so bored i want to paint i want to take out my frustrations doing something i love how did things get this way how did i let anything else but my passion stand in my way this is not me this has never been me i am lost i know what i want yet i am lost there's no one to help me but myself most of the days it's like simply following a pattern since when did i become one to follow something anything anyone i hate this i really hate it and with the rain coming down i think i will drown who is there to help me there were days when crazy was good freak was good now it's like watching from the shadows am i going through a mid 20s crisis after all i will be 28 soon what have i done with my life there's so much to do and so little time i don't want to do everything that everyone does i just don't want to do it can't you understand i hate it i detest it so much that it rips the insides of me every time i have to do it how much longer do i have to wait there's no option you say things will improve give it some time well i don't want to give it any time why should i what should i do instead just watch life pass me by well one of these days i am not going to wait much longer i am just going to do what i do best i am going to follow my heart and screw all of you i am going after my dream and there's no telling me what to do.

If...

 

If I were
YOU
(fugly)
I would shoot
MYSELF

the year of the 28

I know its pretty early to make a list for my birthday but on 28-06 I will be 28!
28 on the 28th. Once in a lifetime… so I will mark this great day in my life by getting myself marked for life.

A tattoo, I think I will finally get. The eye of Ra + infused with elements from my fave rock band Iron Maiden + writings in the ancient language of Thoth

Secondly for those of you who are planning of getting me something. I am going to put you out of your misery. Get me ‘The Complete Calvin And Hobbes by Bill Watterson’. Yes those of you reading this can pool together and get it for me.

!

What do you do when you don’t know what to do?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You do what you have to do

just

Its been long
So long indeed
But then there hasn’t been anything happening
Except
I don’t know
May be you could help me
I just don’t know what to think any longer
Is it going to come
Not come
Who the hell knows
Don’t ask me what to do
I can’t tell you
Even if I knew what to tell you
You wouldn’t be able to handle it
So quit asking
As there is no telling

?

I am not a writer
I am an artist
I dabble with words
I play with colour
I am confused
I like words
I love colour
I like paper
I love canvas
I am missing drawing
I amazement of my own artwork
I miss painting
I need to paint
I need to do it right now

lets learn your A, B, Cs...

Adam
Bi***
Cat
Damn
Eew
F&%$
Gross
Hate
Ignore
Jealous
Kill
Lovesick
Moan
Nuts
Oops
Piss-off
Queer
Racist
Satan
Tragic
Undo
Vixen
Wish
Yell
Zinc

so long

It’s been so long
I forgot what you look like

It’s been so long
I forgot what I said to you

It’s been so long
I forgot how nice it feels talking to you

It’s just been so long
I promise not to ignore you any longer

I promise to come back sooner
Everyday

today

is just another ordinary day.
i glass painted.
i am happy.
i dont want to get back to work.
i dont want to get back to mumbai.

i just want to stay here.
i want to paint.
i want to fly free.

what's in a name

What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes

- Shakespeare


URGH!

feelin

nothing at all
no emotions
at all
nothing

am i supposed to be excited?
am i supposed to be sad?
am i supposed to be nervous?
am i supposed to feel something?

nothing!
nothing at all.

Stuck!

In the wrong profession.
And hate it with a growing passion every single day.

Sowhattodonow!

Lasteveningiwasreadingthisbook.
orratherhavebeenreadingitforacoupleofdays.
andnomatterhowmuchidontthinkaboutit,icantmakethethoughtsgoingoninsidemyheaddisappear.
whattodo.
nothingcanbedone.
whomtohelp.
noonecanbehelped.
Youjusthavetogoon.
Maybelikehowtheygoontoo.
Withoutanyhope,indespair.
Butthat’sthesadfactoflife.
Wecandonothing,evenifwewantto.
Thelastfewdayshavebeenaneyeopener.
Eunuchsdevdasissexworkersallinthenameofdesperationorawayoflife.
Atthispointihavenooinion.
Iamconfused.
Liketherestofthepopulation.
Butliketherestiamnotgoingtobeignorantattheissuesathand.

That phase again

Where I feel lost
Don’t know what I am doing
Don’t see where I am going
Can’t really figure out
Where I am headed

May be I just need time

2008…

Dreams.
Europe. Turkey. Italy. Switzerland. France. UK. David. Art. Sistine chapel. Paintings. Sculptures. Travel. Disneyland. Eiffel Tower. And new cultures.
I miss my adventure so much, there’s not a day I wish I was back roaming the pebbled streets in Europe, especially Italy.

Love.
Prince Charming. Ogre. Wall-e. Cupcake. Chubby. Bonn-e.
Diamond ring. My diamond ring.
Found the one I was looking for… finally! And it has been worth the wait.

Family.
Away. Missing. Memories. Surprises. And lots of love. Good food. Pampering. Relaxation.
Going home is always special, mama, papa, tommy leanne & lovell (if he’s back from hyd)

i decided to blog...

everyday
for the next few days
left in this year

i just feel
the need to do so

Surreal

If I begin to count, then I have just 5 months & 16 days remaining.
OMG
Is this really happening to me?
And in this time there’s so much to do.
Shopping.
More shopping = stress
Tick off the things to do on my to-do list
Fittings
Decisions to make
White or yellow
A single stem or a bunch of flowers
More shopping = even more stress
Cutting down lists
Prioritizing
WTF
I can’t do this any longer
Think will do what I do best
Chill and not take any tension
But how can I not
It’s the one day I have waited for all my life
And I want it to be perfect
And want it to be just like how
I imagined it to be

Pop!
My bubble burst
FINE
I am not dreaming
It is coming true after all