what's in a name

What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes

- Shakespeare


URGH!

feelin

nothing at all
no emotions
at all
nothing

am i supposed to be excited?
am i supposed to be sad?
am i supposed to be nervous?
am i supposed to feel something?

nothing!
nothing at all.

just yesterday

It was just yesterday that I was a little girl
All I had to do was play
Today I am not so little anymore but…
I just want to play in the mud
With my imaginary friends
Eat dirt.
Eat chocolates.
Get pampered.
And go out to play again.
Want to stitch clothes for my dollies.
Pretend to ride my papa’s scooter.
Play with my baby brother.
Dress him up and pretend he was my little sister.
I want my drawings adorning the fridge door.
I want a treat from grandma.
I want to play with my Barbie’s.
Also want to rob tamarind from grandma’s store room.
Fight with my cousins and go tell mama.
Not make any decisions.
Tell mama what my brother did.
I want to play with Tommy.
I just want to be that little girl.

Stuck!

In the wrong profession.
And hate it with a growing passion every single day.

me?

Devils inside my head
Pounding at my teeth
Drilling at my ear
Battered by drugs
HELP!

Sowhattodonow!

Lasteveningiwasreadingthisbook.
orratherhavebeenreadingitforacoupleofdays.
andnomatterhowmuchidontthinkaboutit,icantmakethethoughtsgoingoninsidemyheaddisappear.
whattodo.
nothingcanbedone.
whomtohelp.
noonecanbehelped.
Youjusthavetogoon.
Maybelikehowtheygoontoo.
Withoutanyhope,indespair.
Butthat’sthesadfactoflife.
Wecandonothing,evenifwewantto.
Thelastfewdayshavebeenaneyeopener.
Eunuchsdevdasissexworkersallinthenameofdesperationorawayoflife.
Atthispointihavenooinion.
Iamconfused.
Liketherestofthepopulation.
Butliketherestiamnotgoingtobeignorantattheissuesathand.

Cold hearted b*%#@!
Who me?